By Florida Weekly Staff | on July 21, 2022

Back in the day, on-site laundry and investments in crypto separated the haves from the have-nots. Or at least access to 10 solid square feet of pool. Now, it’s all about central air, which put window units and pitiful box fans in their rightful place. Summer is here and even the last few weeks of occasional showers are not enough the curb temperatures that look like they’re on track to set new records. Records that will no doubt punish your trips to the beach, wreak havoc on your hair and make Stevie Nicks’ preference for the moon seem so sensible. In this month’s issue, we caught up with local residents and personalities and asked what they were doing to beat the summer heat. Slip ’N Slides, baby powder, Dr. Phil episodes, and even hidden superpowers are all strategies being deployed. Giving in also comes up quite a bit.

I use my superpower of saying “maybe” when someone invites me out and being quite content with the fact that I know I have no intention of going outside in the heat. It’s extremely effective and energy efficient.

— Anthony Sibilly- Juarez, general manager

I plan on walking slower, wearing way less clothing, and jumping into any nearby body of water. I feel summer is our version of winter. We stay indoors and gain weight.

I make my own Slip ’N Slide. I simply use a roll of extra heavy plastic sheeting and the hose! It’s best not to do it in the road. Wherever there isn’t much pea rock. Some is OK, but not too much. It’s best to leave your clothes on, trial and error. Otherwise, it’s great fun. One time, I set it up on a hill and when I slid down I knocked my friends over. There were three of them. I was like a bowling ball and they were the pins. I laughed and laughed.

There’s no beating the heat, just embrace it. Let the summer take you over. Maybe get your cafe con leche iced.

— Alena Drazdou, Keys Coffee Co.

As an island thing — Johnson’s Baby Powder. Under the boobs and other unnamed spots. A lady is never explicit. Honestly, the dollar store makes one in a pink bottle that is bomb. Baby powder is a summer savior. In addition to putting it on your body, if you dust a little across your sheets when you change your linens, it keeps your sheets dry at night. If you sweat, it absorbs.

— Atavia Talandieu Dor, healthcare and hospitality

Unfortunately, I never learn. Every year, I wear my jeans a week too long and, every year, I make shorts out of my jeans a week too early. My quote, you should know, garnered an impressive, slow motion eye roll sequence and groan from Fred [husband].

— Scot Forste, The Flaming Buoy Filet Co.

I used to drive the Conch Train back in the ’90s. The summers were brutal. But we had these headbands that had chunky stuff in them that proposed to keep you cool all day long! They weren’t a good look, but we were already in those uniforms, so it didn’t matter much. I put one on and it felt great! But five minutes later it was a heavy wet mess, full of sweat. It would slip down and cover my eyes and I’d frantically push it back up. I now find a spray water bottle is much better, as long as you don’t need two hands to drive your vehicle! White shirts would get soaked with sweat, so much so you could see what women were wearing underneath. Also, people on the train would always ask, “Can you turn on the AC?” Of course, the Conch Train is an open-air vehicle. Every time someone asked, I’d laugh like I hadn’t already heard it a bunch of times that week. I will say driving the train was the best job I ever had in Key West. Tips were good.

Poke holes in people’s pools then have them pay me to fix them.

Since I own an outdoor restaurant, I find every reason possible to get product out of our walk-in cooler as often as possible! After work, you’re thinking nice cool shower but the “cold” temp is usually 85 degrees, so grab a Dairy Queen ice cream cone and check your emails in the comfort of the coldest place in Key West — your car! My favorite is the one I share with my daughters on a summer night. Vanilla and extra-large.

— Grant Portier, Poké in the Rear

Unexpectedly eat mushrooms with friends. Spend as much time in the water as possible. Travel to appreciate new places but miss Key West enough to always come home for season. And just be a wild person on the boat or sandbars who toes the line between crazy fun and can hold conversation.

Cold showers — as cold as my water will get. Wrap yourself in a wet towel, put your AC on 70, and lie in bed watching “Dr. Phil.” Do not move. I like what Dr. Phil has to say. He tells it like it is, which is what they say about Trump. I like watching shows featuring people who are more [expletive] up than me. Like Dr. Phil, “Intervention” and “My 600 Pound Life.” Guilty pleasure.

We beat the heat a long time ago when we invented air conditioning and made work a living state. In light of that, I feel like there’s really only one season in Key West. There’s no real shift coming into the summer. Literally, the only thing that changes for me is that I have more work in the summer.

—Gavin Dietrich, Goldman’s Bagel Deli

Denial. Don’t think about it. It’s not hot. It’s not. It’s not hot.

— Interviews have been edited for clarity

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